I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
