Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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