Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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