It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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