when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
