Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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