Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
