That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
