When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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