she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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