true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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