We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
God, I missed his penis.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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