there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
