Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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