used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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