that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
