she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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