fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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