Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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