I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
