I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Im part way to drunk.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
