Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
