i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
