His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I want to be your penis for a week.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
