I wish I could punch you in the face.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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