I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
