Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
