She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
