69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
