is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We had to coat check the pizza.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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