I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
