last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
