Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
that may or may not have been my penis.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
