i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This is classic penis vs brain.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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