I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
