im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize