Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
