We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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