I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
