I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
