He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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