We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
