I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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