Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
