it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
