I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
