I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
