your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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