As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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