I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
