I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
