I smell stomach acid.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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