i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
