After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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