yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
