I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
