So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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