the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
