Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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