Dude my mom stole all your condoms
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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