bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she pinky promised me she was 18
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
