he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
