I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
