dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
