I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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