Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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