ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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