I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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