The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
