Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
