He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize