Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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