just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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