my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
