Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
