the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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