So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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