I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
