apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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