she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
