We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
