Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
