No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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