and you said cock pushups were impossible
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
