mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
