I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
