mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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