if you like me you must not know who I am
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
