My hand turned me down
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
