I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize