she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
