I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize