When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
